Since my earliest days, nature and exploring were great enjoyments. My home environment was supportive in a lot of ways, but also stressful and fragmented. So I always felt in balance outdoors, where wonder, mystery, quiet, and non-judgment lived.
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Then as early adolescence took hold I began processing my self, others, and my surroundings more intensely. I became highly self-conscious, drastically altered my diet to the point of anorexia, pulled away from the sunshine at-large, and started my entry into an increasingly withdrawn state. All of which would last for two decades.
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My outdoor exploring eventually led to internal exploring. My mind created great imbalances that had me depressed and sometimes pondering death for periods of time. But the wonder and mystery still continued and a stable core could always be perceived underneath it all.
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And so I lived with two predominant energies: one that was melancholic and one that was optimistic. The former kept me from living life with fluidity and ease. But what needed to happen for me did, so that I could eventually learn the lessons I was being given.
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The path of higher education was taken for eight and a half years. Where degrees and certifications were received for studying psychology, working with kids in schools, and developing coaching skills. It was a bumpy time to navigate and endure with the seemingly contrary mindstates above. But it ultimately shaped my outlook and approach in useful ways.
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Overall, it had been the harder life lessons that seemed to significantly increase my understanding of my self and the world. And I began to think they were needed in order to learn and grow the most. But this belief changed several years ago.
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Yoga found me in the midst of turmoil during my twenties and I began to take it more seriously at thirty-one. Where restructuring my life made it priority and all else secondary. I attribute this system of knowledge with altering my course in a way that nothing else has yet been able to do. It has given me a satisfactory understanding of why I might be here as a human in the first place. And has made it difficult for me to return to the patterns I formerly kept.
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To ensure this stays a priority, self-discipline became a must. Frequent daily choices are necessary to keep me on track instead of falling off the wagon for any overindulgent length of time, if at all. To finally have arrived at a place where physical, intellectual, and spiritual practices are each present daily is not something that came easy, or overnight.
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And now that I have been given the opportunity to live this way, I don’t want to squander it. It has opened me up to other possibilities and shown that you don’t just need to learn the hard way. It’s feasible, and even simple, to learn the smooth way. Phew.
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But I had to first acknowledge the stories and limiting beliefs I was repeating that had led to the stale habits and patterns I kept up. Then I altered my perspectives to Change the Script and create the lifestyle most suitable for me — the one that was aligned with my core values.
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As a result, what needed to happen for me during the first, and most pronounced, round of change was: splitting up with my partner, giving my cat to my sister, leaving my job, getting rid of most of my belongings, selling my house, and moving to another state.
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It just happened to unfold this way all at once — likely because it was a long time coming and the red flags weren’t heeded in earlier years for it to have occurred gradually. But it’s not what needs to happen for everyone in order to bring about wellness. Incremental changes also lead us closer to that moment where we breathe more freely for having arrived at a more compatible reality.
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Over time I’ve been able to figure out what drains me and what needs to be done to mitigate this. It helped when realizing that symptoms related to adhd, learning difficulties, depression, and fatigue have been pervasive. And that empathic and introverted qualities are evident to a degree I still don’t know the extent of. So I’ve come up with more successful strategies for recharging and energizing my self now, while also trying not to overly identify with the above notions.
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Despite any difficulties over time, humor and laughing is fortunately in tact, and a neutral attitude is present about a whole lot. There are also times, like today, where I sit here and get hit with the impression that I am absolutely in love with the being I am, regardless of all the things I’ve thought, said, and done and will continue to think, say, and do.
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I’ve brought self-harm and sickness upon my self and I’ve done what was needed so that health and well-being could start to surface. Experiencing both positions, along with the transition that linked these two ways of living, gave me first-hand knowledge of the process for recovery. My understanding of dis-ease also enlarged, which has allowed me to connect with and serve folks who have a variety of needs.
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Coaching is one of the by-products of me taking on the challenge to change the script. Both in creating a new lifestyle and opening my self up to serve the greater public. I am committed to a lifetime of self-discovery and revitalization and aim to create a safe learning space for those who’d like to do the same.
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